Saying Goodbye (to paddling)

On Sunday I raced my last paddling race in Hawaii. And I cried.

I had absolutely no idea it would affect me that much. In fact, I nearly didn't race that day. I almost stayed home to read a book and pack up the apartment. But my loyalties to the club won out and I dragged myself down to Ke'ehi Lagoon near the airport.

When we first moved here there was a massive sewage spill in Waikiki that drastically polluted the waters of Waikiki (oh, isn't Hawaii lovely) so our club moved our practices to Ke'ehi Lagoon. Ke'ehi Lagoon is dull, flat, ugly, and cold. But that's where I learned to paddle.

So as I drove into Ke'ehi Lagoon on Sunday afternoon I remembered those early days of paddling. Days when I didn't know anyone but desperately wanted to be invited to join in the fun. Days when I flipped-flopped between loving and hating paddling. Days when Hawaii was so new to me it really hadn't even sunk in.

My race on Sunday wasn't that great. I was in terrible shape to race. I was physcially and emotionally exhausted. I had just eaten a Subway sandwich, and hadn't really warmed up at all. But I truly gave it my all. And because I blessed to be racing with some of the best women in my club, we easily won. I am so honored to walk away with a gold medal.

As we slowed after the finish line one of my beautiful, bubbly and incredibly buff paddling friends piped up from the front of the boat, "Jenni James is that your last race?" And I responded, "It was, thanks for the great ride." Then I paddled on with a big smile.

It's customary after a race to hug all your fellow paddlers. And that's when it hit me. Paddling has been as much as my life in Hawaii as Bryan has. All of my closest friends have come from paddling. Much of my growth as a person is a direct result of paddling. I truly love this sport. And I really, really love the girls.

As I gave each girl a hug the tears started to well up more and more until I couldn't keep it in. I am so incredibly sad to leave this. I truly don't believe I will find this again in my life. I am letting myself mourn it, and honor it.

And I'll cry it out. I will miss paddling. I will miss my paddling friends. And I will miss my Hawaii life so terribly. So, so terribly.

Food Confessions

Yesterday a friend announced that she doesn't eat tomatoes or mushrooms. She is a very kind, well-balanced, mature and smart person. And yet I found myself thinking "How ridiculous! Something must be wrong with her."

I have another friend who grew up in San Diego and doesn't eat avocados. I can't tell you how much time I've spent being incredibly baffled by this. I excuse people from Ohio that don't like avocados. I get that it's a texture thing. I figure Ohioans aren't enlightened enough to get over the texture. But if you're from San Diego? Incomprehensible!

I let my judgment fly left and right but the truth is that I am not without my food flaws. I thought it was time I confess...

I don't eat mustard. Let me make that perfectly clear... I don't eat it. I hate it. I despise it. Mustard makes me angry. I hate the color, the smell and especially the taste. And I know very well that most of the world considers mustard a wonderful and delicious food item.

If I order a sandwich I always say "no mustard." If mustard comes anyway, I either send it back or remove all bread and anything else that touched the mustard. Bryan and I have a favorite restaurant and I'm convinced they have mustard in their salad dressing. I can taste it. So last time we were there I didn't touch the salad and asked the waiter, "Is there mustard in this salad dressing?" He told me no and listed off every ingredient in the dressing. I thanked him, he walked off, and I turned to Bryan and said "I think he's wrong, I think there's mustard in the dressing."

Mustard is pretty much my only won't-eat-at-any-cost food. But there are a handful more that I try to avoid. I know that as I avoid them I'm missing out on delicious meals. I'm trying to make a conscious effort to be open minded to these foods:
- Salmon (I think I really just haven't had good salmon)
- Zucchini and pretty much anything in the squash family. I know! I know it's good, I know you love it. I just gag if it not perfectly hot.
- Salads with nuts, ice cream with nuts, cookies and brownies with nuts
- Unagi (eel) - just don't like it, creeps me out
- Mussels and clams - they creep me out too. But give me an raw oyster any day. Yumm!
- Eggs with running yolks. Yuck. But I stay strong if I see crab cake benedict on the menu.
- BBQ sauce. I just don't love it. Too thick, too sweet.
- "Wings." The tiny bones freak me out.

Oh I remembered two more must-avoid foods. Diet soda. Yuck! Fake sugar gives me a headache anyway. I am so tuned in I can taste fake sugar. And coconut. Tastes fine, just upsets my stomach. I believe I am mildly allergic so I try to stay away.

Your turn, what are your food confessions?

Eight Months Ago

May 24th 2009


The very first wedding related project I took on, truly the VERY FIRST, was to begin folding 1,001 cranes. I got the idea in my head and I ran with it. From the very beginning I knew they would hang with many pretty colors.


It's a Japanese Hawaii tradition to fold cranes for a wedding. Origami cranes symbolize dedication and hope. Tradition holds that by folding 1,001 cranes, you learn persistence, patience and determination - all ideals necessary for a successful marriage.

They also say the bride should fold 1,000 cranes and the groom will fold 1. I said "pshaw!" But what happened? I taught Bryan hold to fold one crane, and he never did another one.


I'm a sucker for good symbolism and meaning. Mostly, I liked something constant I could focus on. Even though it was a regimented process, it was also a creative release for me. On those days when nothing went right, I could fold a few cranes and see my pile grow and grow.

I was incredibly proud of the way they looked at the wedding. They created a bright and cheery (albeit a bit busy) backdrop for photos.


And they were appreciated by many.


They currently hang on a wall in our apartment. Bryan thinks I'm crazy but I plan to hold onto them until they disintegrate with age. Hopefully by that time I won't need a reminder to maintain patience and persistence.

It's a Slippery Slope

So I'm in a funk. Possibly the post-wedding funk that everyone talks about. It doesn't feel like it's all related to the wedding but I can say for sure things aren't as bright and shiny as they were just a few months ago. I'm trying to address it head-on and be proactive with small things like being sure to socialize with friends, getting outside, and looking forward to fun events.

But you know what I really want to do? Eat treats! And that, my friends, is a bad path to start walking down! Unfortunately, I'm already a few steps there. Today I've hit the Starbucks-three-days-in-a-row portion of the path. Oh, so very bad but so very yummy!

Floating Fun on the Fourth

Man, we love the 4th of July in Hawaii! Once again, we headed out to Flotilla in Waikiki. It's what I like to describe as a frat party on the water. It did not disappoint.

Here's how I spent the day:




And here's a perfectly illustrative video from a friend of ours.

Hope your fourth was filled with fun too!

A Gold Shoe Trend

Some may say I'm silly. I love gold sandals and I can't stop telling the Internet about it!

Remember these?

Still love them. Sadly, they're falling apart. I think I'm going to take them to the shoe man and see if he can't repair them.

Thankfully, they have a new friend now. Meet much more casual and just as lovely, Gold Sandal #2.

Hooray!

Out of This World

Does anyone remember the TV show Out of This World? The one with the character Edie whose dad was actually an alien and she could communicate with him through a glowing pink pyramid.

No? Don't remember? I loved that show!

The best part about the show was the superpower Edie had since she was half alien (wow, 80's TV was a trip!). She could stop time by putting her two index fingers together. Everything around her would freeze and then she could run around to move the bucket of water that was about to fall on the principal's head.

I would give just about anything right now to have Edie's superpower. I would like very much to sit here, put my two fingers together, and see everything pause. And then I would just sit here and breath. I'll give myself pause to take it all in, let my emotions sink in, and process. And then eventually I might tackle my to-do list.

Why this need to pause time? You guys, I'm getting married in 18 days. Married. 18 days. Married.

I am so happy to be getting married. I am really excited. In fact, I'm so excited that I really don't want the day to come too quickly. Because once that day starts, it will be done in what will feel like seconds. I'd like as much time as possible to really process this all. To go into it with a clear head and the ability to take it all in.

Not to mention, I'd like a couple more days to finish the seating chart and work out the kinks of our timeline.

Too bad my dad wasn't an alien. My superpowers are more along the line of finding beautiful shoes I can't afford, and being able to tolerate a messy bathroom longer than most people. Guess I better get to that to-do list. And I'll try to find some time to let it all sink in.

Words to Live By

I'm in one of those phases in my life when I'm pretty hard on myself. I think I should have already done everything on my to-do list. I should have foreseen this crazy situation in front of me. I should know how handle this completely new job. I shouldn't care what others thing. I should be beautiful. I should have kick-ass clothes but I shouldn't spend any money on them. I should have already done my taxes. You get the picture...

I'm also a total sap that reads the Internet like a fiend and adores smart people who write and say things that make me think.

And so, I present to you my new "Words to Live By":

“I must learn to love the fool in me–the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.” — Theodore I. Rubin, MD

I already feel better about myself.

To Be Honest

My lovely friend Allison nominated me to participate in the 'Honest Weblog.' Always looking for inspiration to get me thinking in a different direction, I am more than happy to give this a shot.

I am to write ten honest things about myself.

1. I met Allison when I lived in Spain for a semester. Living in Spain was one of the best things I ever did. I've always thought of my self as shy, not adventurous, and fairly average. But I continue to amaze myself with all of the interesting things I do. I moved to Spain! We traveled to Morocco. I now live in Hawaii! If I could sit down across the table from myself I would try to get Jenni to understand that she really isn't shy, average or afraid of adventure.

2. I get really bad migraines. Sometimes they are so bad that I get sick. When we were in Morocco I got a very bad migraine one night when we were hanging out in a Moroccan home. I remember trying to lie down on a rock-hard bed/couch thing. I remember adorable children running around and screaming with delight that just made my head hurt even more. And to my utter shame, I remember throwing up in a stone hole in a courtyard. To this day I am terrified that I threw up in this home's water well. And if I actually did that, I cannot imagine how they fixed the situation.

3. I cannot stand the sound of blowing your nose. My nose is okay. Other people's? It takes all of my energy not to gag.

4. I don't get ice cream headaches. I get ice cream backaches. I am 100% serious. My brother gets them too and we can both confirm they hurt a lot.

5. I have a hard time telling people how much I care about them. I don't know why. I am worried I will really regret this later in life. I already regret that I wasn't more open when my grandmother was dying. At the time I was just too terrified. But I wish I could have put my in-the-moment comfort aside to have the long-term comfort of knowing I tried.

6. I will probably always consider myself a swimmer. I swam competitively for four years in high school. Since then, there have been full years that I have gone without swimming - even for fun. I probably should not categorize myself as a swimmer.

7. That said, I feel more comfortable in water than any other environment. I feel very settled and whole when I can float.

8. Just in the last few years I have realized that it is not a guarantee that I will be skinny. I have been 'tiny' for most of my life. I cannot even begin to tell you how many people have approached me throughout my life and asked "How do you stay so tiny? Do you eat like that normally? What size do you wear?" That attention always made me uncomfortable but I also always felt lucky. I do not get those questions anymore. And I eat better and am more active than I have ever been!

9. I dream of owning a flower shop someday.

10. I can't stand it when retail salespeople are rude. It makes me irate. I am their customer and they need to be polite and helpful to me. I have customers and I am always extremely polite and helpful to them. It bugs me so much that I am worried one day I will lose it and lash out at one screaming "be nice! smile!" And then I will be a crazy lady.

Another One

My friend Ali tagged me to do this. I don't always do things I'm tagged for but I sort of like these exercises to get my brain going.

I'm supposed to finish each line with one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? home
2. Where is your significant other? downstairs
3. Your hair color? lighter
4. Your mother? calling
5. Your father? working
6. Your favorite thing? comfort
7. Your dream last night? forgotten
8. Your dream/goal? living
9. The room you’re in? dreaded
10. Your hobby? paddling
11. Your fear? boredom
12. Where do you want to be in six years? mainland
13. Where were you last night? yoga
14. What you’re not? yogi
15. One of your wish list items? wii
16. Where you grew up? home
17. The last thing you did? think
18. What are you wearing? trousers
19. Your T.V.? crap
20. Your pet? wedding
21. Your computer? loved
22. Your mood? hopeful
23. Missing someone? many
24. Your car? ugly
25. Something you’re not wearing? socks
26. Favorite store? coming
27. Your Summer? beachy
28. Love someone? always
29. Your favorite color? bright
30. When is the last time you laughed? morning
31. Last time you cried? indulgent

Well there you go. One word answers to sum up my life. I must be a communicator because that did not feel good to stuff it into one word!

Feels Like a Good Time to Do This

I am: writing this to take a break and distract myself.
I think: I'll go swimming tonight.
I know: tomorrow will feel special.
I have: a surfboard.
I wish: I could surf it better.
I hate: mosquito bites.
I miss: easy time with friends.
I fear: crushing my knees in a car crash.
I hear: the high pierce squeal of our TV when it's on.
I smell: tar and get an instant migraine.
I crave: cupcakes lately.
I search: with Google.
I wonder: what I will decide on for a wedding dress.
I regret: splashing salad dressing on my pants, now I'll have to wash them immediately.
I love: that the air is just the teeniest bit cooler lately, feels like a seasonal change.
I ache: on my ribs and hips from surfing yesterday.
I am not: too worried about the aches.
I believe: in myself.
I dance: when I am very happy.
I sing: in the car to cheesy songs, sometimes to Bryan.
I cry: when I feel lonely.
I fight: because I want to make it better.
I win: when I find something great on sale.
I lose: when I put too much of myself into something that doesn't give back.
I never: have a perfectly clean house.
I always: make plans for the future.
I confuse: i and e and have to remember which comes first after c.
I listen: but sometimes only with one ear.
I can usually be found: wearing cute shoes.
I am scared: that I am not doing enough in the moment.
I need: to buy milk.
I am happy about: planning a wedding for Bryan and I.
I imagine: it will be awesome.

Four

I have four pairs of jeans. Those of you that scoffed at my bathing suits and shoes, go count the number of jeans in your closet. Bet you have more than four.

Of the four, I wear one pair a lot, another pair sometimes, the third pair rarely, and the last pair only when the other three are all in the laundry.

In addition to my four pairs of jeans, I have only four other pairs of pants.

The lesson here? When you live in Hawaii you require less pants which makes room for more bathing suits.

22

I have 22 pairs of shoes.

That doesn't include slippahs, tennis shoes, or boots because I figure those are "utility shoes."

3 of the 22 I bought in the last three weeks.

About 10 of the 22 I actually wear regularly.

At least 2 of the 22 I haven't worn in more than two years. But I won't get rid of them right now.

Back to Boulder

More than 10 years I graduated from college and said goodbye to Boulder, Colorado. The town of my college career, my first real drinks, the beginning of some of my closest frienships, the beginning of "adult" Jenni, and the scene of many, many adventures. I've been back to visit a few times - just afternoon drives to see campus and eat Deli Zone.

This past weekend I went back for a long overdue real visit. My college friends and I got together to celebrate 10 years (TEN!) since we graduated and to attend the homecoming game. SO. MUCH. FUN!

We gathered in Denver for yummy food and drinks at Christy's.

Then we headed to Boulder early in the morning to tour the Tri Delta house (oh, you didn't know I was in a sorority? I so was.), did a little shopping on The Hill (you can never have too much clothing that proclaims "Go Buffs!), stuffed ourselves with food and alcohol at The Sink, cruised through campus, had some beer, saw a buffalo, and then attended the game. I hadn't been in the stadium for 10 years. When I was in college I only missed two at-home football games ever. It was so amazing to be back in the stadium. Unfortunately the Golden Buffalo of Colorado got their a$$es kicked by the damn Longhorns but I still had a blast. We ended the night with dinner on Pearl Street and then took our exhausted selves home to Denver.








On Sunday Sara and Kent hosted brunch for all of us and all the kids of us. So crazy amazing to see the kids of your friends. Keep having kids, I love seeing them!

I also had the delightful treat to start my Colorado weekend by meeting my freshman year roommate's daughter for the first time. She's beautiful and charming and I felt so special to be able to hang out with her. And then I concluded my weekend with my very wonderful Hawaii friend who now lives in Denver. I felt so lucky.




It was a weekend I definitely needed to have. My friends are awesome. Everyone is doing so well in their lives - buying houses, having kids, meeting great guys. It is so fun to see and hear about! And even as all these amazing things happen to them, they're really not changing all that much. In ten years, we're all pretty much the same. Sometimes I get very sad living an ocean away. I feel that I'm missing out on everyone's lives. But this weekend showed me that I can always just be in touch and catch up on their happiness.

And at the same time, it encouraged me to really embrace and appreciate the friends that I have here. Sometimes it's easy to think "oh, I have such amazing friends "back home" on the mainland." But truly, I have some really amazing friends here "at home" in Hawaii too.

Confession

I have 17 bathing suits. I counted them last night.

I really don't think it's too unreasonable given that I wear one at least three times a week and some of them I've had long before I moved here.

The problem is, I only wear about three of them regularly. I have favorites and some that are more practical (for paddling) or more comfortable. I have a few I don't really like but I can't justify throwing/giving them away because, you know, I might want to wear them someday. It's sort of like socks. You don't get rid of socks unless they have holes in them. Even if you have favorites, you have to save the non-favorites for a bad laundry week.

Speaking of feet, I'm starting to wonder if I have more bathing suits than shoes. I might go count my shoes tonight.

What a thrill-a-minute-life I live!

On Paddling and Life

On Sunday I had a few of those life changing moments. Where you sort of sit up and look around and think "oh my god, this is my life."

It was during our race as I sat in seat one of the canoe (hardest seat, remember). I could hear the rest of my team cheering me on from the escort boat, I felt strong and I knew I was doing a good job. As I looked ahead of me I only saw the tip of the canoe and miles of blue ocean. I must have had a huge grin on my face and I just kept thinking "I've come a long way."

In the two and half years that we've lived in Hawaii, there have been a lot of sacrifices. We gave up a lot to leave our home and follow a dream I had. I have missed my friends more than I have ever let on. I have felt lost and wondered why I needed to be here. We've both worked jobs that would have paid us considerably more on the mainland, all the while everything costs more here. We've missed parties and weddings and baby get-togethers. We save every day of vacation to visit friends and family. There are many times that I wonder why I needed to be here. And if I've getting out of it more than I'm putting in.

Somehow on Sunday it became clear what I've gotten out of my time in Hawaii. This will sound corny and cheesy but I'll say it anyway, more for myself than for any of you. I have really grown here. I've become someone I didn't know I could be. And I like her. I've pushed so many of my comfort levels. I've made friends that are different from the people I've know throughout the rest of my life. I'm determined and dedicated and I'm proud of what I've done - in the canoe and out.

I have a feeling that when I'm 80 and look back on the chapters of my life, the one about Hawaii and paddling will be one of the best.

Through the Years

I have a little too much time on my hands lately. Lucky for me YearbookYourself exists.

Let's wander through time and see which decade would have been my most flattering...

1960
Cheerful in my glasses and tight curls.

1962
I think the flip is working for me. Not sure about the pile on top of my head.

1966
This is by far my favorite. The late 60's would have been good for me. And think of all the adventures I'd have if I was living in San Francisco!

1974
I thought I would look exactly like my mom in this one because she had that same shirt, hair and pose. But I think we can all agree this wasn't my best year.

1976
The year I was born. I'm totally digging this look. I think it reminds me of childhood TV shows.

1982
This is just wrong.

1984
I think my geometric earrings help balance out the hair.

1990
My freshman year of high school and this girl would have been my role model. Look at her awesome bangs and 'wings'!

1994
The year I graduated. And I have a confession... my senior portrait has this EXACT SAME POSE!

1998
The year I graduated college. If my hair could have held curls like this, I would have been one happy 21 year-old.

Na Pali Adventure

Less than 20 hours after Bryan and I became an engaged couple, I took off to Kauai for an epic adventure with three friends.

Three days, 22 miles, massive amounts of sweat (TMI?), beautiful sights, and good times all created one of my best adventures yet.

There's no way to tell it with words. I truly can't. I can just tell you that many moments were wonderful and some were just awful. I never thought I couldn't go on but I had many instances where I swore they must be lying about the trail "there is NO WAY we have ONLY gone four miles. Four miles felt like 20. Eleven miles seemed like an impossibility. However, the scenery, the company and my damned determination made it all worthwhile.

Here are a few pics to paint the picture. You can see all of them on Flickr.

Ready to hike!

The trail pretty much goes as far as you can see in this picture, mostly along the coast and always with stunning scenery if you're willing to lift your eyes from the trail ahead of you.

My hiking buddies about mid-way on day one. Roughly mile five but felt like fifteen.

Finally we got to the end of day one. We camped in a beautiful valley called Hanakoa that had pretty trees and streams. Best of all, we could finally take our backpacks off and relax a bit.

Hanakoa.

Delirious at our campsite.

Day two treated us to some insane hiking like this.

And this.

Finally our ultimate destination Kalalau Beach was insight!

And we arrived to this.

I have plenty more stories but I'll save them for another day.

Worth Doing

I just discovered a new stranger's blog - MightyGirl. I discovered it at the right time, just as she was going through the list of 100 things she's done that were worth doing. I love it so much I thought I'd do it here. Bryan even said he'd create his own list too.

The idea is, if your life were to flash before your eyes, what are the moments that would stand out as good and worth doing.

(in no particular order, of course)

1. Taking my grandmother to my favorite Mexican restaurant where she had one too many margaritas and having her tell me the story of how her first love died in the war, how she knew when the letters stopped coming, and how her friends comforted her by inviting her to smoke with them.

2. Building a boat with my dad in the garage.

3. Listening to Bryan describe his transformer Halloween costume and realizing I loved him, but then keeping it to myself for a while.

4. Making an American meal for my Spanish host family - chocolate chip pancakes a hit, tacos a bust.

5. Barbie and Luke Skywalker swimming in my pretend pool (which was actually a large Tupperware bowl) with my brother in our driveway.

6. Surfing a wave in a canoe.

7. Buying a one-way ticket to Honolulu.

8. Convincing my grandpa to buy me fancy slippers (flat out lying and saying yes, my mom would want me to get these). They were possibly my first pair of amazing shoes.

9. Driving my grandfather's old Mustang with him and my great aunt, opening the door with a coat hanger through the window, and being sure not to shift into second. Such a grand adventure that my great aunt even took my picture with the car.

10. Riding in my aunt's HOT 1980's Datsun and just feeling super, super cool.

11. Getting lost my first day in Spain to the point of almost losing it and then miraculously seeing my friend from high school.

12. Dragging a dead fish around a tiny beach with my brother and my lake-friend.

13. Driving in San Francisco in my precious Honda with the sunroof open and the heat cranked up.

14. Bursting into tears before my first Molokai race, only to feel invincible for the next few months.

15. Signing a lease with two boys I didn't know in San Francisco and having the strength to insist on the big bathroom to myself.

16. Jumping onto the couch as a squirrel ran into our house in Boulder. Laughing in hysterics as my roommate tried to shoo it out by barking at it.

17. Singing "Bye Bye Miss American Pie" on a roof in Morocco with my closest friends from Spain, our tour guide, and a Moroccan soccer player.

18. Mardi Gras my senior year in college, the strangers, the insanity, the drinks, the rain, drying myself under a Mc Donalds hand dryer.

19. JazzFest a handful of years later and the much more mellow mood, the music, the new friends I made, and wearing a feather boa on the balcony of a bar on Bourbon Street.

20. Bryan singing songs from the 70's to me as I fed him the lines.

21. The countless times I paused in San Francisco, took it all in, and felt immense love for the city.

22. Sitting my my grandmother's living room after her funeral, hearing her sister from down the hall and just being blown away that they sounded exactly alike.

23. Riding in Dan Moceri's black Mustang in high school.

24. Coming home after late swim practices so exhausted I'd fall asleep in my swim parka.

25. Sitting in a outdoor hot tub in Colorado as the snow fell on me.

There you go. Feel free to chime in with a comment or create your own list. I'll try to get Bryan to get his up here fast.

Learning a Lesson on the Trail

I've never been athletic. I've never been extreme.

I don't point my skis down the hill and go. Instead I scope out the hill, put my skis at an angle and a brace my knees to slow myself down. I don't jump off cliffs (except that one time when I got hurt). I don't run. I don't hit balls or catch things that are thrown really hard. I don't own hiking boots. I have never camped when the car was more than a short walk away. I'm not what I would consider adventurous.

But then, I took up rock climbing a few years back. And while I only climbed on a real rock once, I was pretty damn proud of myself for hanging from a rope once a week. Even more, I took up paddling. I paddled hard and fast and developed pronounced muscles for the first time in my life. I paddled between islands. And I met friends who are the definition of adventurous - some even extreme.

So when a friend asked a few weeks back if I wanted to hike the Na Pali Coast with her the aspiring-to-be-extreme Jenni inside me instantly said "yes!" When I sat down and thought about it, I rationalized that I would just do it. I'd just start the journey and not give up. Just like paddling. Get in the boat and there's no option of quiting until you hit the beach.

Last week another friend asked if I wanted to go on an "awesome hike." (Note: she meant awesome like the extreme folks do, not like us Southern Californians.) I went on the hike. I stretched before. I wore my athletic clothes. I took water, sunscreen and snacks. I was ready to hike!

I thought I might die 30 minutes into the hike. I was sweating and wheezing and really, really tired. Plus, I was embarrassed and a bit scared - what was up with my breathing?! Why do I feel so sick?! I made a deal with myself that I would call it a day at the top of the first peak of the hike.

By the end of the day I'd spent 6.5 hours on the trail and climbed almost to the third peak. The hike was insane. But I did it. I'm not extreme but I am persistent.

However, I called my friend today and told her I can't do Na Pali. I have no business hiking 22 miles over three days. The snowplow skier in me finally spoke up and made me realize there's no going back once you start on a 22 mile hike with a water purifier in your backpack.

***

About that "awesome" hike... Olomana trail above Kailua. Three dramatic peaks sometimes called the Matterhorn of Hawaii. Up and then down. Then up again, and then down some ropes. And then up the ropes. Then turn around and go back the way you came. 6 miles total.


This is Olomana's third peak on our "awesome" hike. Awesome to say the least! I made it half way up this peak and then decided I'd be happier to sit and take in the views than drag myself up a cliff using old ropes. Of course, I'd already climbed up and down two equally tall peaks.

This is the easy part of the trail. The ropes were helpful here, an absolute godsend further along.

I made it to the top of peak #1. Not too long after I thought I might die. Proud of myself and feeling invincible, I continued on.

My rewards for my efforts were my pride, a wake-up call about my true abilities, and these gorgeous views!