On Sunday I raced my last paddling race in Hawaii. And I cried.
I had absolutely no idea it would affect me that much. In fact, I nearly didn't race that day. I almost stayed home to read a book and pack up the apartment. But my loyalties to the club won out and I dragged myself down to Ke'ehi Lagoon near the airport.
When we first moved here there was a massive sewage spill in Waikiki that drastically polluted the waters of Waikiki (oh, isn't Hawaii lovely) so our club moved our practices to Ke'ehi Lagoon. Ke'ehi Lagoon is dull, flat, ugly, and cold. But that's where I learned to paddle.
So as I drove into Ke'ehi Lagoon on Sunday afternoon I remembered those early days of paddling. Days when I didn't know anyone but desperately wanted to be invited to join in the fun. Days when I flipped-flopped between loving and hating paddling. Days when Hawaii was so new to me it really hadn't even sunk in.
My race on Sunday wasn't that great. I was in terrible shape to race. I was physcially and emotionally exhausted. I had just eaten a Subway sandwich, and hadn't really warmed up at all. But I truly gave it my all. And because I blessed to be racing with some of the best women in my club, we easily won. I am so honored to walk away with a gold medal.
As we slowed after the finish line one of my beautiful, bubbly and incredibly buff paddling friends piped up from the front of the boat, "Jenni James is that your last race?" And I responded, "It was, thanks for the great ride." Then I paddled on with a big smile.
It's customary after a race to hug all your fellow paddlers. And that's when it hit me. Paddling has been as much as my life in Hawaii as Bryan has. All of my closest friends have come from paddling. Much of my growth as a person is a direct result of paddling. I truly love this sport. And I really, really love the girls.
As I gave each girl a hug the tears started to well up more and more until I couldn't keep it in. I am so incredibly sad to leave this. I truly don't believe I will find this again in my life. I am letting myself mourn it, and honor it.
And I'll cry it out. I will miss paddling. I will miss my paddling friends. And I will miss my Hawaii life so terribly. So, so terribly.
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4 comments:
Oh boy.... had to grab a kleenex for this one.
I have loved the way you embraced Hawaii and all it had to offer so completely and really became a true "Kamaaina". And now, it will always be a "home" to you.
You will visit home often...and you will bring your Keiki with you to visit their cousins, auntys and uncles, we will have wonderful family gatherings, your keiki will need lots of sunscreen, they probably wont care for poi...and when they grow up you wont be surprised when they ask to attend the University of Hawaii, Manoa. :D
I remember those feelings of sadness, but I am so glad we lived there, because it changed us forever. On a more cheerful note, we spent the weekend at the Oregon Coast with some family and it was quite beautiful. Nothing compares with Hawaii, but you already know that:-) The Pacific Northwest is a great place to live and it's a straight 5 hour flight to your "second home."
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